literally had 100 drinks last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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