WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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