He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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