I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
