I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think im going to throw up on grandma
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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