I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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