you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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