Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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