am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
