my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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