they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
