His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
