you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
