i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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