Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
