Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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