I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
