feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
