Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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