If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
