This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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