new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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