I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
