Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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