I wish I could teleport
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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