I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
