Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
