omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
