Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drunk is not a location!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
