Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
