The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
