how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
they need to just BURY HIM!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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