1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
