I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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