just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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