I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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