I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
