she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
