she woke up with a sticky ear
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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