you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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