He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
