Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
