Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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