Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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