He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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