dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
