She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
