Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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