So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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