Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
